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Hello. Today we'll be going into the depths of the jungle in search of an exotic and incredibly wild beast in its natural habitat. It is a very curious creature indeed, sometimes it takes great care to make itself the most noticeable thing in plain sight, other times it hides amongst us, camoflaging itself as "one of us." That is, until it is properly baited and/or the creature assumes it is only in the presence of other members of its species, in which it will then throw caution to the wind and commence returning to its true nature.
That of the aneemeifayun.
In general, the aneemeifayun species is largely capable of human speech. However, it functions more like a 'second' language than anything else, only to be used when absolutely necessary. And even then, it is often sprinkled with an assortment of oddities from their first along with being somewhat broken and incomplete.
Some examples would include:
"omg disis sokawaii," possibly meaning, "This shit in front of me is fucking adorable." Or

"Baka!" an abrupt barking commonly believed to be short for, "uncultured" or "outsiders" that seem to not have a good understanding of their ways and customs. This term can either be used interchangeably either with feelings of great contempt or jokingingly as a term with those among close friends.

Aneemeifayuns generally take great pride in their own race, demonstrated by holding great ceremonies and putting on somewhat outlandish yet highly colorful and exotic attire, which takes place on special holy grounds on a periodic cycle. Sometimes these grounds change and many of the species often have to migrate certain distances and make long pilgrimages in order to reach said ceremonial grounds.
Here they imbibe drink and partake of many unique dishes, the most common of which is known to us as pakii. This long, stick-like pakii comes in a variety of flavors, but the most well-liked seems to be of a sort of strawberry or chocolate/cocoa variety.
These same grounds are also used to sell and exchange various wares. A note has been made of the kinds of wares that have changed hands, and a popular item seems to be small colored items that come either attached to chains or in a small, plushable form shaped like various confectionaries we see in our daily lives. These confectionaries have also been given noticeable "human" traits such as eyes, mouths, and have even been seen to have been given human "expressions." Some have come to the conclusion that the confectionary represents an important part of aneemeifayun culture, the same way certain creatures and objects were important to the early peoples of the Americas. In this way, they help personify this importance by given these otherwise inanimate objects "human" features.

Great reverence has also been placed on the representation of the cat. Cat ears can be seen constantly adorned and many idols in aneemeifayun culture can be seen adorned with cat appendages, despite not having such in nature. Even things such as trees and rocks. It is not clearly understood why the feline species holds such great importance to them, but it has been theorized that it must
1) either represent some form of immortality, wealth, and good luck or
2) It must be extremely "kawaii" to them.

Some have gone so far to say the cat is a metaphysical extension of an enlightened prophet sent to them from the "homeland" across the sea. Many aneemeifayuns feel a long, lost sense of connection to the "homeland" despite many not having ever been there, and often feel a sort of spiritual tug with the land's calling. The "homeland" is often depicted as a pure island paradise locked away from the rest of the earthly world, a place free from persecution. Many aneemeifayuns dream of this place as a sort of 'Final Destination' and hope to see its glistening shores at least once before death at some point in their lives. This destination is said to have once been ruled by a great bipedal lizard god that roamed the islands and breathed a noxious fire as he walked. He swam the waters and guarded the paradise against invasion but belief in this beast has long since declined in favor of "brighter"  and more, what many aneemeifayuns call, dessoo gods.

Aneemeifayuns, like many cultures, also have their fair share of deities, each with their own sects and cults. One of the most major deities is the Keeshimodo who, in turn, gave birth to another being called the Naaruudo. This always seemingly jolly, bright orange being is seen as personified by the species vulpes, or foxes. It is believed by this sect that wearing a special swirling symbol on one's forehead and making offerings of a spicy, noodle-containing broth known as raamehn will help appease this god and bring good fortune to all through its jolliness. This particular sect of aneemeifayun can be amiable, but their large number and tendency to roam in herds can make them extremely unpredictable. They can be easy to take offense to anything they perceive as a threat to their deities, and will fight, maul, and raze to the ground all they can to defend its honor and the sacredity of raamehn. While members of this sect can be amiable, friendly, and respectful, their large number and highly enthused devotion to their gods often makes it easy for them to detect threats from all around, real or otherwise, and thus has been the cause of many skirmishes and bloody battles over the years, thus making many outsiders and other aneemeifans "wary" of this particular sect.

Another major god is that of the Bleechigami. The Bleechigami is quite unlike the Naaruudo in that it is not jolly, but dark and somewhat more foreboding. A sort of ferryman of death, if you will. It wields a sword ten times its own body size and always has an eternal scowl on its face. Its patron fruit is strawberries.
How such a dark deity came to be linked to strawberries still has not been figured out by scientists, but considerably progress is still underway. It could be possible that strawberries are linked for their "redness", and redheads in this culture are seen as "special" and "unique" and "attractive." Quite possibly more so than the other sects, but further research has yet to be conducted.

Hand-in-hand with the deity system, there is also a concept of the afterlife. It is believed that, after death, an aneemeifayun's soul will be transported to a realm of dark and light known collectively as the Hearts Kingdom. It is believed that it is here the soul of an aneemeifayun is weighed for good and evil, and what becomes of their fate depends entirely on the amount present. If the person is evil,
they forever lose their heart to darkness and must wear dark cloaks to forever conceal their ghostly forms and walk the realms of darkness forever. If the person is good, they arrive at two large doors in the sky and enters the yaoi kingdom. The Hearts represent love, and love is seen by many of this belief system, largely the females, as homoerotic sexual activity between two males. It is the goal of every female within the Hearts Kingdom system to one day arrive at these doors, and so on earth they put offerings to the Bleechigami representing their desires, often in the form of shrunken, squashed big-eyed persons known as chiibees or artistic etchings of male on male intercourse.
This sect, like the Naaruudo, is incredibly large, and while they are capable of friendliness, can be quick to bite and march into battle should they perceive their kingdom or system threatened, again, whether or not the threats are real or imagined.

Much more about this culture still needs to be learned, understood, and discovered, but that will take more time and effort. Some aspects have faded, some remain, but if science and the academic community persists, the modern world -may- just be able to find out what is at the core of these people and their ways, and, hopefully, what makes them tick and if it can be used to humanity's advantage, if at all.
This actually started off as another How To but it felt too repetitive so I tried another approach.

You can be mad, or you can write. :I

Might do another one depending on how this goes.

This is largely intended for nonserious/satirical/comedic shits and giggles but, yeah, kernel of truth and all that good shit.
Not meant to offend, just wanted to take another approach to something. So don't try to analyze too hard. Please. For all our sanities.
And, yes, I have played KH and watched/read Naruto and Bleach at some point.

Edit: Before something gets out of hand, no, I don't think all Bleach/Naruto/anime fans are stupid/rabid, etc. But to deny the level of rabidity that exists within said circles is absurd.

Also, I mention Naruto/Bleach/KH because they're some of the most popular/recognized things in anime right now and people would be better familiar with something like that.
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99Hedgehog Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
HAXOR-NOVA Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012
Say... You mentioned you were a big anime fan in a different deviation... So that would make you a human/aneemeifayun hybrid?! Thankfully the human side seems to greatly increase your sanity levels.
Mia-Kaiia Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
wat xD
HAXOR-NOVA Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2012
This is absolutely absurd and ridiculous. In a GOOD way. It's really weird too, but lots of things are awesome BECAUSE they are weird, this especially. THIS is TOTALLY Llama-worthy. YOU are totally Llama-worthy.
mjupm Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:iconmotherofgod: This needs to be a documentary.
randompath Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2011  Student General Artist
This is awesome! How Do you even come up with all of these. And they are all interesting!
PrairieLily Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
This is hilarious and probably only offensive to people like that because it's so true. xP
paroapockinroo Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
L-O-L enough said ^w^
CinnamonAppleToxic Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Student Digital Artist
You, man, are god.
Superrobofan Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2011
megrim96 Featured By Owner May 26, 2011  Student General Artist
*gigglesnort* this is hilarious...
(though i'd rather wear an organization XIII cloak instead of going to the yaoi kingdom :meow:)
AmericanGirl88 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
You forgot about that crazy Inu-yashuh tribe. Their natural habitat is anywhere forests grow, and the color red I believe represents high status among their tribesmen.

:D Also, I love this! It's so true! XD
herpofool Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2011
BWA HA HA HAAA!! It's all true! It's all too true! Some of my artist friends are exactly like this! I love a bit of satirical writing, everybody needs to read some. And if the writing somehow includes themselves, I think it's great to laugh at ourselves every once in a while.

I actually wrote my own satirical article similar to this as well, but it was in which I classified girls based on attractiveness; I should probably post that...
jubeeajwee Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
What about the great wiaboooh?
jubeeajwee Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
jubeeajwee Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Lyra-Elante Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
This is made of win
Taihen-Ren-chan Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2011  Student General Artist
Jeeze, with an afterlife like that I'm hoping that I'm evil, because I don't think I could last a week let alone an eternity in the 'Hearts Kingdom.' O_O Bring on the evil black coats. xD
Takuitsu Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What, not going to mention the 14-years olds with tits that resemble balloons stapled to a wall(*cough*sailormoon*cough*)?
Angel-Of-Darkness99 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2010
This is just...awesome. I love it. Y'know, I'm a yaoi fan, and it even annoys me when rabid fangirls proclaim all their raw smut to be 'tru lub' (< real example of the fangirl mating call. It's bizarre how the spelling of basic English has been adapted by these creatures. Depending on the way you look at it, they can either be completely dense, or fabulously creative). I mean, come on. These jokers aren't fooling anyone.

Except maybe other rabid fangirls.
blackcynderdragon Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2010
Oh. My. God. That was too epic for words.
Tobyk947 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010
I like anime/manga but I don't like Bleach or Naruto. I have no comment otherwise but a lot of things you wrote describe me. But I think that's just because I'm weird, not because I like anime. Eh, maybe not.
rindoshi Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2010  Hobbyist Artist
:giggle: I think I would go with the evil side too if there's yaoi beyond that door :O lol I have to say I haven't laughed so much in my life at something written down, this was brilliant it definitely made my day rofl mao :la:
:O My sisters a Bleechigami! lol =P
Raven-Raspera Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Eesh, I'd prefer to be evil as an aneemeifayun. At least there's no yaoi there...
LuxuriantlyMorbid Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2010
Please write a sequal. PLEASE.
Lilylily7000 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2010
I seriously laughed out loud at the Yaoi Kingdom XD
Charanty Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2010
I think now i totally have an undying love for you :iconheeeplz:
XaviaPhoenix Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2010
I once walked among the masses, but was cast off by the master of the Naarudo clan upon realizing that my lineage was not true. My former brothers and sisters urge me to return so that I am no longer hunted by the rabid warriors of their kind, but I must shun them for the sake of my sanity and forget their customs for the sake of everyone else.

(in other words, I'm sure as hell glad I didn't get that into it. Naruto fanbases scare me.)
blackslate00zero Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2010
well done.
Tofucakes Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2010
I laughed like crazy reading this, especially when getting to the last paragraphs. The sad thing is that I used to be an aneemeifayun who was pretty rabid.
Mujakina-Kyoki Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's amazing how you manage to capture the heart and soul of a rabid-crazy-fangirl/boy, in something you wrote for shits 'n' giggles... You really did a fabulous job at portraying the de-priding side of the anime fanssometimes I'm rather embarrassed to call myself an anime fan -.-"
nnylanwahs Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2010
I believe your observations are spot on.
However, I feel the description leans closer to the small extremist breed known as the weeahboo. A truly dangerous group for an observers sanity. Scientists believe they emit a high pitched squeal, barely audible to human ears, which slowly scrambles the brains of any surrounding peoples who aren't weeahboos themselves.
jubeeajwee Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
alli1901 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I laughed.....almost the entire time I read this. And I love anime(but I'm not obsessive)!:XD:
hollarity Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2010  Student General Artist
I do rather enjoy the Discovery/Animal Planet channel tone of this one. Would say you need to make one of Twilight fans if it did not border on cliche to mock that writer spit of a series at this point. You are definitely my favorite satirist on DA (although to be fair I do not know of many others on this site xD).
In-The-Machine Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2010
....that's a fucking good idea. :I
the-suns-moon Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010  Student General Artist
OHNOESSHE'SSHININGALIGHTONUS *shrinks* stop exposing us to the world, stop i say D: D:

Lol kidding...

I'm not a fan of any of those particular sects, but I've seen it :B
Damn this was funny :XD:
Coriana-Raposa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010
I am always amazed at how you manage to write the truth and still be so entertaining xD
Also, the cat thing? I'm betting on option number 2 (especially since I myself am a fan of the feline race).
Xamazingly0amazingX Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010
This is fantastic. I love anime but I also think that it's ridiculous to the extent which some people take it to; take rabid fangirls for example and people of whom speak like, "OMG kawaii neko desuu!!!1!" :no:
But I hate how some people think anime is everything in Japan when it really is a land with a beautiful and unique culture. But! In any matter, I found this, and other stuff in your gallery, of great amusement. I was laughing the whole way through. :iconimhappyplz:
Valros Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2010  Student Writer
I guess we have to laugh to keep from crying. Coming from the Pacific Northwest I see a depressing lot of these... uh, "specimens."
CucaKM Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2010
You say it like it's a bad thing! XDXDXD
Chaletica Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2010
Haha, I almost had to stop myself from laughing at severel of the parts. SO true. Especially the part about the "yaoi kingdom" xD Though I'm an aneemeifayun myself, I couldn't stop laughing. You really describe some of our more... uh, "fanatical" members.
The-Hybrid-Mobian Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2010  Student Digital Artist
i burst out laughing at the mention of Yaoi kingdom... because it's absolutely true XD dunno much about naruto and bleach (HWAT?! WHAT KIND OF AMEEMEIFAYUN AM I?!) but all the rest of it so so very true XD
Ireth-Seregon Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Bwhahaha! This made me laugh so hard I thought I would pas out. You're awsome, and I just love the stuff you right. There certainly is a kernel of truth in everything you write, and though I am a fan myself I'm far from a fanatic and take no offense since I've met fanatics.
jodi-kaos Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2010  Professional General Artist
Dude, this had me crying laughing!! Awesome writing, darling! ^_______________^
LilacWilderness Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2010
Aha, i find myself so easily entertained by your writing its beyond funny :).
VizardJeffhog Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2010  Hobbyist Artist
mchemfan Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2010  Student Digital Artist
Can we get David Attenbrough to read this out as commentary to a parody of Earth.
In-The-Machine Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2010
EmbersofInspiration Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2010
As a proud member of the species Aneemeifayuns I am glad someone has finally taken the time to research us and some of our.... more fanatical clan members. ^^
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