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Submitted on
May 30, 2010
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The wonderful world of Harry Potter has touched countless lives upon its release. It contains many colorful elements  from magic and fantasy to fighting bald snake people with little wooden sticks. Yet at the same time, despite touching so many countless lives, the ever-popular series has not been without its fair share of criticism, a large portion of which may not have been completely unfounded. Harry Potter has been said to promote more than a few more shady practices. It wouldn't hurt to explore and prod some of them in scholarly analysis.

Let us take, for example, the most prevalent example in the HP wizarding world. Wands. Harry Potter and friends often use their wands to solve problems and, more often than not, create quite a few of them. HP, Ron, and Draco are constantly seen "whipping them out" and "waving them around," despite the fact many teachers advise most of the Hogwarts students against doing so. This could function as a sort of subliminal nod to boyhood fascination with physical self exploration, seeing as the wands fire out vast arrays of magical things from their tips.
(It should also be noted that the scene in the fourth Harry Potter film where Voldemort and Harry dueled in the graveyard had the wands firing a sort of odd white-ish foamy-looking material as the blasts collided.)

Additionally, the HP series has one of the largest fanfiction archives to every grace the World Wide Web. A massive portion of this consists of slash fiction or male/male pairings from the series. Couple this with the fact that, several years ago, major character and mentor to Harry, Professor Dumbledore, was publicly announced to being a homosexual. It is quite common that, wherever homosexuality lurks, no matter how remotely, allegation of devil-worship and mammalian blood-letting are sure to follow. The more Satanic elements of the series can be seen in the constant snake-theme sported at various points in the novels. This is especially potent in the Chamber of Secrets installment where Harry and Tom Riddle go head to head using both a sword and giant snake respectively, both widely regarded as raging phallic symbols. This is all done within the Chamber itself. The Chamber and the battle raging within its dark confines could be regarded as another subliminal allusion to male anal sex.

Two males. Two phallic symbols. One chamber.

Many questions and rebuttals may arise from this, but the most potent of these would probably be how the hell J.K. made off with it under the millions of eyes of watchful parents for so damn long.

Either that, or Tom decided to shove a live snake up Harry's ass.

Harry Potter and friends, next to utilizing the power of their wands, also spend much of their time chasing after various mystical talismans and artifacts. Not only are millions of small children being taught that being gay is okay, they have been led to believe that abundant prick-waving and resorting to devilish items of black power to solve problems instead of listening to the word of God will be the answer to many of their problems. The fact J.K. would allow a homosexual to be the headmaster of a school full of supple young males clearly illustrates her demonic agenda into converting today's youth into next-generation monsters and revelers in devilry. At least when Snape, a heterosexual male, was headmaster, even for a brief time, there were at least no motherfucking snakes in the motherfucking bathrooms.
(One need not also bring to mind the sport of Quidditch, ex. shoving a hardened, elongated "broom stick" between ones legs and flying around on a chase for balls.)

The excessive bloodletting culminated at the end of the series underlines and forewarns of a savage end to all who engage in such wickedness and unrestraint. Sirius dies. Dumbledore dies. Fred dies. Tonks dies. Even the fucking owl dies. -That- is how much homosexuality can hurt a person. Mommy dies. Daddy dies. Even one's little baby goldfish may die. So, taking a more inverse route, HP may not be -promoting- black arts, but instead may be serving as a sort of hidden cautionary tale for those who engage or may think of engaging in them, thus why the tale ends in excessive death, blood loss, and dead animals (the snake dies too).
All because Harry and Draco were screwing around with their wands during class and happened to enjoy a little goat's blood in their pumpkin juice.

The fact almost every child and their twice-removed uncle has read Harry Potter makes the pressure to resist coming into contact with such a series that much harder. Even adults have been tuned in to the series. More and more people have been converted to Potterism. Those who reject Potterism and its teachers are either spit upon or harshly and unjustly labeled as "goth haters." This is not unsimilar to the "convert or die" method used by many belief systems to convert more into their following or crush those that oppose. As one of the highest selling books in the history of mankind, Harry Potter has become more profoundly exalted than the Bible and simultaneously allowed for the doorway to a new age of
modern perversity and madness to unfold upon the earth.
How we deal with it and how our children will cope with the new madness is entirely in our hands.
Aaaand if you take this seriously, any part of it, you are a silly, silly person.

I haven't written any of these in a while and I really wanted a Potter one. I tried staying with one theme/vice the entire way through but my brain had issues not tugging it in various directions. I actually wanted to put a section about Voldemort and Xenu but that was stretching it and seemed more misplaced than the other text when typed. Sorry, AmethystKirby.
But. Yeah.
This is a joke. You know. At all those people who actually believe this sort of shit. As in, I don't actually believe this. This is not meant to be offensive.
Please read the description. In fact, if more people read descriptions instead of, "I just read two sentences, couldn't take a joke or read the artist comment's, then decided to scroll past all the other comments of people who clearly noted this was a joke and started flaming about how "wrong" this was to waste everyone's time."

Yeah. Don't be one of those.

And I wasn't sure what category to put this under so I went with what appeared to be what this closely resembled.
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SuperHeroSockMonkey Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist
I noticed the foamy white stuff coming out of the wands too :XD:..... that was a very awkward moment for me... :XD:
nevylove27 Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012
well apart fo the fact that this is horribly homophobic
In-The-Machine Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012
except that it was designed to mock the exact same logic utilized by bible-thumping homophobes on why gays and homosexuality are supposedly immoral
nevylove27 Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012
i was about to get so so so mad but then i read the description witch actully makes it funny
Pietroschek Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Harry Potter sold so well, for it used a classic concept: tell the insane, the immature and the desperate, that their own deficiencies are never their fault or responsibility and that they all get unearned special treatment anyway! While the Sodomite Onslaught is hardly surprising, it could actually be just one more manifestation of fanatical rushes which are actually psychotic rushes, though sometimes temporal ones...
Infinite-Will Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2012
You forgot the part where Harry Potter advocates suicide. Since practically all the "good guys" have no problem dying and all the villains are like "no way; don't wanna die!"

KitCatKat13 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2011
'Even one's little baby goldfish may die.'

InkSphynx Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
This is funny! You make hilarious lampoons of things.
TheOtaku13 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2011
I was getting ready to spam you but good until I read your description. I have to agree with AFangeek, this is insulting. Granted, I don't particularly like HP, and I do think it has some messages that maybe shouldn't be there, but it would take Eistein's most far-fetched dream about a far-fetched theory to root out any basis at all. In short, no one cares enough to think about the down side of something they like. Take drugs for instance.


I'm in love with a country. If you are too, you watch APH.
In-The-Machine Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011
I'm not seeing how it's insulting, especially since I've already stated I don't endorse those views myself, only mock them, but whatever.
I never saw any severely harmful messages in HP, and at times I will take pleasure in making fun of those who hold said wacked-up views, I've done this with other works of fiction by making pseudo-analytical analyses of those as well, and I don't see an issue.
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