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1. LOL Subjective If you don't like something, even if the person put time, effort, and thought into it, it isn't art. To further assert this truth, be sure to go to the person's deviation and/or main page to tell them that you think their work isn't art because you don't like it.

2. Hydra Stuck in an argument? Feel like you're losing or the other person is making points that are too logical for you to even attempt to debate against just fucking silly to you? Re-jump into the same argument using a double account. Two heads are better than one, right? So two accounts must make your side all the more valid. If you can make an account where no one can guess that it's yours, all the more bonus points for you and your craftiness at hiding yourself on the internet. If you're -that- clever online, you must surely be a master ninja in real life. Additionally, telling the person the same thing using a different account name ensures that they see your side of things more clearly.
It's like what they taught you in school: repetition, repetition, repetition.

3. He Said, She Said Know what else is valid? Saying something like, "well, my mom said-" in an argument. Because nothing is more authoritative and word-of-law/God than what the mother/friend/older sibling/dad/uncle/pet monkey of a random stranger on the internet said to you. And because you care about what they said, everyone else on the net should care.

4. Trololol Go out of your way to insult someone else and then feel a little icky at the response you get back? No fear. Just mask your asshurt pass yourself off as a troll.

Ex.
"Fuck, this person gets more attention than me and I don't like their work, I'll flame them and tell them it's shit!"

Mere clicks later...

"Your work is utter shit and it's fucking idiotic."

"lol don't care, faggot."

"Hahah, you fed the troll!"


Because god knows you can't get the attention you seek any other way Also, if the person responds/defends/or makes a logical response to your bullshit clever maneuvers, just accuse them of being "butthurt" despite the fact you were the one who cared enough to start something in the first place over something you didn't like and because the internet is your playground where you and only you can say what you want and because you're king of the hill, you never get asshurt nevar evar.
"No U" is also a good comeback when someone accuses you of asshurt.

Ex. "So I like how you're trolling in anger despite the fact my work wasn't even directed at you or a specific person."

"Uh, NO U because you're responding to ME and that means I'M getting the reaction and I WIN I WIN I WIN IWINWINWINWIN I WIIIIINNNNN1111"

5. Only "Popular" Artists Are Dicks and Arrogant Jerkfaces Because poor little obscure "arteests" can never be arrogant or spiteful ever. Humph, those stupid talented animu artists with their head in the clouds getting more faves than me I'll show them...

6. Whut Maturity If you don't like something on the net, why bother containing that inside you and waiting until you explode? In fact, why just limit it to your own account and/or personal journals? You must make it your duty and first priority as a human being to confront the other person
about how much you think they are absolute shit and should be treated as such because they draw something you don't like or have a differing opinion from you. If comments are disabled or you find yourself blocked, you must find an alternate route or anonymously troll. Why should your rights as an American be infringed? First Amendment, hoes. Not American? Or maybe the person you're talking to isn't American? Well, then fuck you, you don't matter. Also, bitching about your right to "free speech being infringed" on the net due to disabled comments or blocking preventing you from making a bigger ass of yourself you from expressing yourself like a free human being is totally not ironic when you also go around touting, "it's the net. I say what I want where I want even if it's someone else's page/work and if you don't like it get the fuck off."
Totally. Not. Ironic. Fuck restraint and the fact a number of people either keep to their own personal space and ignore something if they don't like it and move on. They're just weak.
Also, because the world revolves around YOU as a commenter.


7. Name-Calling Name-calling is a magical method that automatically makes the other side feel weaker and makes you look stronger. The harsher and more derogatory your slurs, the more valid your argument is and therefore the higher chance of winning you have. It's like a shoot out. The first person to throw insults has a higher chance of winning. Just like the first person who shoots has a higher chance of winning. Typing your insults in CAPS also spells "gang bangin' time" and shows you totally aren't fucking around in here. Bitches better watch out, son. That guy used the word "FAG" in all CAPS. He must be out for some killin'.
Also, some exotic weaponry one can use to further a point in an argument are, but not limited to:
fag, faggy, faggot, faggut, fagget, faggo, fagalicious, fagger, fagalaglag, faaaag, FAG, FAG, f-a-g, and Gaf. Which will confuse your opponents because it's totally "fag" backwards and they're too stupid to tell.

Also, "nigger."

8. Bitches and Dicks Saying "I'm a dick/bitch" at the beginning or end of your messages completely and automatically absolves you from taking responsibility or owning up to any of your actions. It also isn't making it look like you're saying "LOL I'm obvious" because people totally can't tell when someone's being outright jerktastic or douchebaggy to them.

Ex.
"You're a stupid fucking piece of shit because you don't agree with me, unblock/undisable me so that I may continue to act this way towards you."

"Uh, no?"

"Well, you need to hear all the jerktastic things I have to say and some people are naturally dicks/bitches and I am one of them."

Uh, no fucking shit. I MEAN. MY GOD. We must all see the error of our ways. How -dare- someone prevent you from being the biggest, bestest self-righteous dickhole you can be on
someone else's page.
If they refuse to give in to your repeated harassment, just call them "cowardly" and continue to note them until you get banned your way.
Prompts from ~Akillian and *linawifeofL with "flame wars on dA" and "How to Comment on Popular Articles/Deviations" with some illustrious examples. :iconimhappyjrplz:
So I tried to combine the two with throwing in a little bit extra.
A number of people threw in some pretty colorful ideas but these two stuck in my brain the most at the moment. (but the tentacle rape suggestion still sounds fun lol).

At first I tried making something like this in "comment form" like the youtube one but decided it was too soon and too similar so I changed it around to be more "How To" styled.


Edit:
First off, this isn't meant to say , "lol anything but OMG UR ART IS AMAZING" is necessarily bad. But I -do- think comments like, "this is stupid, i hate it and it sucks, etc." don't really do anything for anyone and aren't entirely constructive.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsoulessone12:
soulessone12 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015
ladies and gents..i present to you the internet!
Reply
:iconkingozzo:
kingozzo Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi! I disagree with you and wish to call you very offensive things because you offended me by having a different opinion.
FAG.
Reply
:iconnobodyhasthisnameyet:
Also, have some tardis noises. errrrrROAR errrrrrROAR errrrrrrrROAR ERRRRRROARUUHHHHHHHH.... Why did i just do that? Idk.
Reply
:iconnobodyhasthisnameyet:
Anyone who does not watch doctor who thinks this is dergatory. Proboably.
Reply
:iconnobodyhasthisnameyet:
This is more youtube from my experience. 
Reply
:iconrainbowsmasherbro:
RainbowSmasherBro Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013
:dignity-laugh: OMG U AMAZING! (see what i did there?)
But seriously it is a cool idea to show how a troll is thinking. I laught so hard at this! 
Reply
:icononlinestoryteller:
OnlineStoryteller Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Are you serious?
Reply
:iconhalo-there:
Halo-There Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2013  Student General Artist
you just made my day...thank you kind sir...xD
Reply
:iconlassegorm:
lassegorm Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I had reached the end of the line now I can splurge whenever I want these days people come to me for money you are definitely cut out for this
[link]
Reply
:iconfranciszeks:
franciszeks Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013   Interface Designer
I had finally hit rock bottom this turned my luck around its an amazing feeling to have money to blow just picture the possibilities
[link]
Reply
:iconakaszik:
Akaszik Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
I'm rolling on the floor laughing! It's funny and so well written (on both levels!) :clap:
Reply
:iconcataclyptic:
Cataclyptic Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013  Student Digital Artist
And yet nother good one. Instafave the entire literature section in 3...2...
Reply
:iconanonymous10000:
Anonymous10000 Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013
I also wrote this, I'm using an alternate account.
Reply
:iconin-the-machine:
In-The-Machine Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013
I'm sure you did.
Reply
:iconanonymous10000:
Anonymous10000 Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013
...no WE did.
Reply
:iconin-the-machine:
In-The-Machine Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013
Sure thing, bud.
Reply
:iconanonymous10000:
Anonymous10000 Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013
Fake Hydra!
Reply
:iconin-the-machine:
In-The-Machine Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013
If we're talking about its existence in your mind alone, then yeah.
Reply
:iconanonymous10000:
Anonymous10000 Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013
Because who said this random stranger didn't do all this for his own amusement?
Reply
:iconin-the-machine:
In-The-Machine Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013
Like I said, whatever you say, man.
Reply
:iconkindcritic:
KindCritic Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Writer
*hug* Your cynical satire has made my day. Well done, seriously. Instafave and I loved reading it.
Reply
:iconbonusexperiment:
BonusExperiment Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012
Gorgeous! I've never laughed so hard..
Reply
:iconwhitefire8:
Whitefire8 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2012  Student Digital Artist
:trollface:
Reply
:iconalexdartois:
AlexDartois Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012
9. Make four or five insulting comments, then block them (your insultee) from commenting.
This has happened to me twice.
Reply
:iconacid-syringe:
Acid-Syringe Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Some fail troll called me a recolor gay furry nazi jew.
NAZI. FReAKING. JEW. XD He was accsuing me of recoloring his " sonic oc " it looked like something got run over e.e XD
Reply
:iconkeelzbunny:
keelzbunny Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012
This. This thing. All of this. More of these want.

But seriously this sums up pretty much 75% of the internet. The 25% is those who see the sort of things you talk about here. The fact that this is actually kind of true leads me to do this: *SINGLE TEAR*
Reply
:iconvienna-kangaroo:
vienna-kangaroo Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Lol, love this. Awesome work :D
Reply
:icondead-genre-revival:
Dead-Genre-Revival Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012
LOL, things stay the same.

We went through this with Usenet. I like "Hydra". We called them sock puppets.

Look for Flame Warriors currently it's here [link]

Tell Mike Fookleyur says hello!

Anyone interested in helping me make a DA version? Not just assholes, but everyone here would be included.
Reply
:iconin-the-machine:
In-The-Machine Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012
Lol, I don't think one could even begin to cover -half- of the drama that goes on DA. Especially since new drama-starters are always getting new accounts.
Reply
:icondadona777:
dadona777 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2011
haha I love coming across satires like these :D
Reply
:icondadona777:
dadona777 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2011
haha I love coming across satires like these :D
Reply
:iconkora-is-my-creation:
Kora-is-my-creation Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
It's true and the way you presented it was funny. :laughing:
Reply
:iconbunnysin:
BunnySin Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2011
rofl awesome.
Reply
:iconsammyfraz:
sammyfraz Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2011
[link]
Reply
:iconin-the-machine:
In-The-Machine Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011
Link doesn't work.
Reply
:iconsammyfraz:
sammyfraz Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011
you have too much faith in your fellow man [link]
Reply
:iconteknicolortiger:
TeknicolorTiger Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
A truer commentary on DA commentary has never been commented.

(COMMENTCEPTION)
Reply
:icontitans-fan25:
Titans-Fan25 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011
lolz, this is FANTABULOUS!!!! Very very clever
Reply
:iconsnatchespatches:
snatchesPATCHES Featured By Owner May 30, 2011
Not to mention the whole, 'ITS THE INTERNET' excuse when anyone says something totally out of line and their friends try to defend them. >:I
Reply
:iconstonedinc:
stonedInc Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Can anyone explain to me, what is a 'plz' account? What exactly is a troll? I keep coming across this term on DA.
Reply
:iconkawaiikaabii:
KawaiiKaabii Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2011
This comment is old but anyway:

A troll is one who posts a deliberately offending message with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument. They do it for drama/arguments, lulz/entertainment, fun, and/or attention. They are just joking and should not be taken seriously. If ou give in to their arguments, you'll just be making them happier.

A plz account is an icon not found in the emoticon legend, so they make an account of it with the icon as its avatar, so that it can be displayed as an emoticon on your comments by writing a certain HTML code. (HTML code is :iconusernameofplzaccountishere:)
Example: The face-- imhappyplz is not in the emoticon legend, so they made a plz account of it -- :iconimhappyplz: so that users can use the icon even though it is not an official emoticon in the dA emoticon legend.

Hope I helped. :)
Reply
:iconstonedinc:
stonedInc Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconanuspoopus:
Anuspoopus Featured By Owner May 30, 2011
read a book
Reply
:iconstonedinc:
stonedInc Featured By Owner May 31, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Which book?
Reply
:iconanuspoopus:
Anuspoopus Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2011
All books
Reply
:iconanonymous10000:
Anonymous10000 Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2013
I get the feeling someone's being a "hydra" above ^
Reply
:iconfacepaintinrhyme:
FacePaintInRhyme Featured By Owner May 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
THESE WORDS SHOULD BE IN THE BIBLE!
They are the word of God.
Reply
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