By playing action games of course, the manly genre. But maybe playing them isn't enough of a challenge.
Maybe you want to take it a little farther and make an action game yourself.
Well, fear not! For in a number of steps, you too can create the next big blockbuster hardcore action game that will have every other fanboy and their uncle salivating through their retinas.
1. War War is popular. One can see evidence of this by turning on the news. Also from the copious amounts of films, books, and games that base themselves around war or warfare. War sells. This is exactly why "war" titles are more likely to become bigger hits than most other action games. Just look around you. God of War, Gears of War, Call of Duty:World at War, Modern Warfare, etc. The list goes on. Notice that despite the fact the word "war" is used in every other M-rated action title, it still manages to capture attention and sell big. This is why if you make an M-rated shooter, make sure you mention "war" somewhere on the case. Or maybe give it a name that brings to mind feelings of turmoil and rage. Try something like, Assault Strife Super Bloody Conflict Struggle Raging Explodey Battlefield: War Edition.
Remember, people don't buy these games to relax. (Also keep in mind, plastering guns, explosions, and designs reminiscent of the military on all sides of the cover helps get the message across a little harder).
Which brings us to the point that 2. Action is comprised of three main components: Guns, Blood/Gore, and Explosions (as stated in the last sentence of the first point). As time has progressed, video games have become far more graphic than ever before. Good graphics are also a sign of quality and effort.
In fact, the more graphic a game, the more "seriously" it should be taken. Every inch of explosion, gun, and gore should be rendered with the utmost painstaking care.
Every lick of flame, every drop of human wine and flash of bone should be evident to the player after an attack. The best modern-day graphics has to offer should only serve enhance this effect.
Well-rendered violence and explosions are the marks of technological breakthroughs and advancement. This is why such things as using verbal communication to effectively solve a problem without use of any of the above three main action components would be considered neanderthal at best and downright fucktarded at worst.
Every option or choice the player makes should either:
A) Lead to violence. Or
B) Lead to more violence.
Period. World War II wasn't solved by talking. If someone tells you otherwise, they haven't played enough Medal of Honor.
3. Chicks There aren't any. No. Not even online. If you're online and they sound even remotely like a female or tell you they are a female, it's another male who just wants to take advantage of your virtual genitals to get free stuff.
All the real girls are too busy playing RPGs filled with Japanese boys or prepping for future domestic life with Cooking Mama. But if you want to go play non-action gameswith little girls like a girl, then by all means, feel free.
No one is stopping you.
4. Real Games Aren't For Relaxing They're just not. They're meant for taking your anger and making it worse. Why do you think you're never happy when you play online games with other people? If you're making a video game, make sure it fills people with the urge to kill. Art fills people with emotion and gives them inspiration. Video games are art. Action games are action-y art. Therefore, by filling people especially impressionable school-age children with extremely violent urges, you are being an artist. Violent children are the signs that your
Also, if Jack Thompson hasn't mentioned a game at least once, it's not worth buying.
5. Attitude Last but most important, you should make players feel like playing this game puts them above everything else in the universe.
Or at least the gaming universe.
Sure, you may not have blown up that Black Hawk while simultaneously sniping sixteen thirty-foot tall Mecha Hitlers in real life. But the thing is, you did it for pretend.
And you don't know why, just like the unexplained feeling of wanting to blow up the nearest educational facility after spending ten minutes with your X-Box but it makes you feel important.
And you should want to spread this importance to every other 18-35 year-old male in all available earthly hemispheres.
As the creator of the game, you will be immediately elevated to status of sparkling virtual Jesus once it flies off shelves and be hailed as a creative visionary with an imagination and creative mindset that seems as though it expands decades beyond the present time, all while creating a new generation of people who are instilled with a powerful-to-the-point-of-aggressive sense of pride in something they accomplished but actually didn't.
Well done, Private. Next summer, or maybe if we manage to survive the alien bombings of 2012, taking these tips and locking them deeply into your heart may just give you what you need to create the next Halo.
Or Virtual God.
Or find yourself subtly milking millions of screaming fanboys as they cuss and button mash their way into gamer importance until the arrival of the next console.