1. Chicks First and foremost, all chicks like romance. No exceptions. Every girl secretly wants someone else (ex. a hot male) to cuddle them and hold them and
2. Dark and Deadly Chicks like danger. And potential psychopaths. It gives them a thrill and the fact many of them mistake an antisocial and potentially psychopathic douchebag with no other adult male friends for tall, dark and brooding. This could be due to the fact the kitchen fumes often go to their heads or females themselves are usually highly unstable to begin with. In fact, the more unstable the background of the male character, the more desirable he is to the female protagonist. Why, you ask?
Let me ask you, why does Christine still love Eric even after the kidnappings and potential murder of her childhood friend? Why does 15-year-old Sarah (or at least the hoards of Labyrinth fangirls) still love the Goblin king even after he chased after a girl barely old enough to drive and stealing a baby to he could turn it into a hideously malformed minion?
Answer: who cares. Tight pants and a good singing voice absolves them from all of this.
As many males will find themselves hopelessly mesmerized by breasts and ass, no matter how obnoxious or unbelievable the girl, tight pants and singing and for some reason a tendency to kidnap shit ups the "attractivity" level of a male by at least six thousand percent. Why? Because chicks are goddamn crazy.
That's why this shit sells to begin with.
3. Chemistry For best results, always make sure the female is considerably younger than the male whom she is intended to fall in love with. The younger she is, the more romantic it is. Especially if she's a teenager and he's...older. It's often seen as "flattering"
would like to think they are more interesting than they actually are. Thus why they get offended when
males bring up "screwing" or anything non-romantically sexual in their presence. Because they think they deserve better and don't like to be viewed as one-dimensional sex objects without brains despite the fact many can't even fix a car
4. Gentlemen If he's polite, handsome, older, and harbors at least several potentially homicidal tendencies, he is a gentleman. No exceptions. Edward Cullen, the Phantom, the Goblin King, they all remain incredibly popular with the female populace and all share a mixture of those traits.
Edward = Comes from an earlier time, tousled bronze hair, wants to devour girlfriend = gentleman
Phantom = Genius in with artistic flair, great singing voice, wants to kill everyone = gentleman
Goblin King = Taste for elegance, has his own castle, dances well, big hair, pale =
All these males also end up doing some insanely bizarre things to the
Really, guys, THAT'S devotion. No wonder so many of you get dumped for vampires. Seriously, put down the X-Box and go run her over with your car.
5. Addiction Even after reading this, some of you may still wonder why girls harbor such a craving for such things. Many studies have been conducted, but a few have narrowed it down to certain possibly adverse effects by specific items such as
-inhaling too much cooking spray
-the television being filled with nothing but TV soaps and Jerry Springer until the time the man gets back from work, to which the female is forced to make dinner while he commandeers the television set for a weekly ritual of sports and News, thus keeping her stuck in the kitchen and away from all the "good" TV that shows later in the afternoon, thus keeping her ignorant and thinking that such bizarre relationships are "normal."
-excessive genitalia bloodletting
-those fucking poser preps in high school
-years of oppression by men
-everyone else's fault but theirs
Whichever, these formulas have been proven to work time and again, so get out there, pick up a chocolate-scented pen, and write.